Christian Singles & Dating

Passionate Love: Secret #5

  • Neil Clark Warren, Ph.D. for the eHarmony Research Library
  • Published Oct 01, 2002
Passionate Love: Secret #5

Secret Number Five: Stay The Course

This is the last article in my series on managing your passionate love. I’ve tried to take a practical look at the problems that are inherent in controlling the God-given desires we all possess.

In many ways, the chemistry that makes for the best relationships presents the most challenge to the two participants. I believe passionate chemistry is vital for any relationship to succeed. But if a couple shares this important relational element, the challenge of controlling it looms larger. The task is difficult, but the rewards are mighty.

I’d like to recap the four secrets we’ve covered so far:

1. Realize the potential damage pre-marital sex can create, even if you intend to marry

2. Rehearse your response to passion

3. Understand your chain reaction

4. Avoid your weakness

The fifth secret I would have you recognize is that you may fail along the way, but that doesn’t mean you fail forever.

I don’t even like to suggest that you may fail because sometimes what I fear is that I might put a thought in your mind that it’s okay to fail. I would much rather that you not fail, but if you do fall short of the ideal you have for the expression of passion in relation to another person, don’t give up at that point.

I want you to begin thinking right then about how you can go back through my list of suggestions. You can read again that statement you wrote about restraining your passion, rehearse your ideal all over again, recognize what the chain reaction is for you, learn from that process, and back off from the point that you know you simply must not reach if you’re going to manage your expression of passion well. You can then recommit to the task of maintaining the ideals that you’ve established for yourself.

A lot of people I have known have fallen short of where they wanted to be in the management of their sexual expression, but they have learned from that experience. They have started again and they have been able to hold to their lofty ideals.

Taking control over your sexual expression is not easy. It takes all the attention and emotional investment from virtually everybody on earth. It’s a very demanding area. But if you will attend to it with your whole being-if you will really invest yourself emotionally-I’ll promise you something. Your self-esteem will be so benefited, and the relationship you are establishing with another person will have the advantage of so much additional objectivity, that it will satisfy all the dreams you have for it for as long as you live.