What if I'm Living with My Boyfriend?
- Kris Swiatocho and Cliff Young
- 2014 27 Nov
EDITOR'S NOTE: He Said-She Said is a biweekly advice column for singles featuring a question from a Crosswalk.com reader with responses from a male and female point of view. If you've got a question about anything related to singleness or living the single life, please submit it to email@example.com (selected questions will be posted anonymously).
QUESTION: I rededicated my life to the Lord on August 27, 2014. Ever since then, God has welcomed me in his arms. He has been urgently answering my prayers and guiding me through my walk with him to make me a strong soldier to serve him.
I live with my boyfriend who is from India and does not truly understand what being a Christian is really about. I have been trying to lead by example and stay true to God's word and pray that God would send knowledgeable and true Christians his way to minister to him. My whole concern is his salvation. I pray for him and talk to him about God. I have been trying to decide how to get out of our living arrangements as we are stuck in our lease until March 2015. I don’t live near my family, so living with them isn’t an option.
I want to be true in my faith and my lifestyle and make the changes needed to live according to God's word and what is pleasing to him. I don't know where to go from here. We can't afford to move into our separate places right now. I don't know what to do.
It is always exciting to hear of a person who has rededicated their life to the Lord, is transforming into the one God has created them to be and is working towards reaching others with the Good News.
As you probably know, the best way to influence non-believers is by example, and you seem to be in position to be that example for your boyfriend. The changes he sees in you by your actions will make more of an impact than any words you will ever be able to say.
I understand the contractual agreement you made and the financial difficulty you face, however, the God you have put your trust into is much bigger than those issues.
If you are truly committed to honoring him with your life and in your relationship, you already know what you need to do. You have heard that small voice or felt a tug on your heart. Go to him in prayer.
You mentioned he has been "urgently answering my prayers and guiding me through my walk," and he will on this matter too.
Ask for an opportunity to open up, and be ready for something to happen. It probably won’t occur in the manner you expect it to, nor necessarily be received with open arms by your boyfriend, but if your heart’s desire is to be true in your faith and lifestyle, it will work according to God’s plan.
This will be your chance to show your boyfriend how important your faith is to you.
Oftentimes in these situations, something comes about which seems so crazy and “coincidental,” it doesn’t seem possible. Yet, this is the way the Lord works sometimes, and these God-given chances don’t last forever. There will be a certain window of opportunity for you to act and you will know deep down when that is.
Expect an unexpected solution to your dilemma.
Praise the Lord for your salvation and the growth you have already seen! While salvation is instant, the changes that happen can sometimes be a life-long journey. Regarding your boyfriend, there are several ways your future could go.
You could continue to share with a living space with him, avoiding sex, maybe even sleeping in another room. This example of how you have changed will either draw him closer to you, making him want to know more about Jesus, or it will anger him and push him away. The light and darkness of this world can not coincide. You have to choose who to follow.
I know you love and care about him. I know it would be wonderful for him to accept Christ as well, so please do continue pray for that. But know that because you are a new creation, you are not of this world anymore. God owns you as he died for you. As time goes on, as you grow more and more by reading your Bible, going to church, getting in a Bible study, and serving, you will want less and less of this world. And others who you have formerly known will either be drawn to you or repelled. That is one of the costs of being a Christian.
You may have to choose to break up with your boyfriend if you do not see any desire in his heart to follow Christ. You may also have to break your lease by having him find a new guy roommate or the other way around, you ask him to move out and you get a girl to move in or you lose your security deposit. Please know, God will provide as always as he honors your obedience to him. I also strongly encourage you to go to your church (or find one) where you can get some counseling, a mentor or someone to disciple you. Having others to support, encourage, pray and hold you accountable is valuable. They may even know of a solution to your housing situation. Blessings and prayers to you and your future.
No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other (Matthew 6:24).
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will (Romans 12:2).
HE is … Cliff Young, a Crosswalk.com contributing writer and a veteran single of many decades. He has traveled the world in search of fresh experiences, serving opportunities, and the perfect woman (for him) and has found that his investments in God, career and youth ministry have paid off in priceless dividends.
SHE is ... Kris Swiatocho, the President and Director of TheSinglesNetwork.org Ministries and FromHisHands.com Ministries. Kris has served in ministry in various capacities for the last 25 years. An accomplished trainer and mentor, Kris has a heart to reach and grow leaders so they will in turn reach and grow others. She is also the author of three books.
DISCLAIMER: We are not trained psychologists or licensed professionals. We're just average folk who understand what it's like to live the solo life in the twenty-first century. We believe that the Bible is our go-to guide for answers to all of life's questions, and it's where we'll go for guidance when responding to your questions. Also, it's important to note that we write our answers separately.
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Publication date: November 27, 2014