Christian Singles & Dating

What Motivates the Opposite Sex?

  • Whitney Hopler Contributing Writer
  • 2005 19 Aug
What Motivates the Opposite Sex?
When you try to connect with someone of the opposite sex, does it seem like the two of you are speaking different languages? God did create men and women with key differences. Understanding the different needs that motivate men and women will help singles communicate well and build relationships that work.

Here are some principles that can help you communicate better with the opposite sex:

  • Men tend to compartmentalize the various aspects of their lives into different boxes - such as work, family, and friends - preferring to deal with only one at a time. Women, however, often take a more holistic approach to life, letting the different parts of their lives overlap in their conversations and interactions with others.

  • Men like to keep things simple and to the point. Women are more interested in exploring situations from different angles and sharing their feelings as well as their thoughts.

  • Men seek success. If they're successful in a particular area of their lives, they'll want to invest more time and energy into that area so they can continue to enjoy feeling successful. When they pursue romantic relationships, they seek partners who will admire them, not expect them to do anything unrealistic, ask their opinion, accept their thoughts at face value without assuming hidden meanings, make them feel comfortable enough to relax, and live fully in the present with them.

  • Women seek security. They want to feel safe in all areas of their lives. When they pursue romantic relationships, they seek partners who will demonstrate genuine caring for them in ways such as spending time and money on them, speaking and acting with sincerity, and noticing and affirming their gifts.

  • Both men and women need to rely on the strength God gives to effectively build relationships with each other. They need to realize that relationships require risks to share their lives in sacrificial ways, and pray for the courage to do so.

    Adapted from Single Men are Like Waffles, Single Women are Like Spaghetti, copyright 2002 by Bill and Pam Farrel. Published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, Or. Look for this book in your local Christian bookstore, or click on the link below to order it online.

    Bill and Pam Farrel are the founders and co-directors of Masterful Living, an organization that provides practical insights for modern couples. The Farrels, who have three boys, co-host a weekly radio program for couples called Pure Pleasure. They have also authored numerous books and magazine articles for couples.

    What challenges do you face when trying to communicate with someone of the opposite sex? How have you been able to connect better through understanding the other person's needs? Visit Crosswalk's forums to discuss this topic by clicking on the link below.