Christian Singles & Dating

When Heartbreak is God's Protection

  • Kathy Troccoli
  • 2003 11 Jul
When Heartbreak is God's Protection
I often reflect on how God woos me, wins me, and loves me to Himself. Many, many times He works on my heart by breaking it first. I can't seem to learn any other way. Now, when I think about having to pick up my cross I pray, "Jesus, be merciful to me".

Recently, I spent several days talking to a group of women about love. I am such a romantic and have tried many times to fill up some of the emptiness in my life with the wrong things. In one particular instance, that came in the form of a man -- the wrong man. The whole situation was very much like Katie and Hubbell in The Way We Were.

Barbra Steisand plays Katie, a radical war protester, and Robert Redford plays Hubbell, an Ivy League yuppie. The kind of girl Hubbell really wants is an upper-class beauty with silky hair, classic features, and an ability to be gracious and charming. Instead, he is mesmerized by Katie, who is none of the above.

Katie is consumed with her fight for justice, with ending the war in Vietnam, and with changing the world. Hubbell is drawn by Katie's passion, her charisma. To her astonishment, this amazingly handsome and winsome man pursues her. Yet Hubbell's love, like a beautiful soaring kite, suddenly dies and dives, crashing to earth.

As Hubbell withdraws, Katie pursues, trying to make him love her by ironing her hair, restraining her political passion, and yelling, "Nobody will love you, Hubbell, the way I do!"

"I know that, Katie," he says, sadly. But in the end, he walks away, marrying a classic American beauty. Katie was chasing a man who didn't really appreciate her for who she was and could not give her unfailing love. In the end, he walked away and broke her heart.

My story involves a man who was close to the Lord once -- he even led a campus Bible study -- but had fallen away. That should have been it for me. But, I left the door open a crack.

When I met him the first time, I was overwhelmed -- he was so good-looking. He dressed well, had his own business, and was a great conversationalist. It all awakened something in me. I felt more alive somehow.

We were involved for a long saga of two and a half years, much of it by phone because I was on tour. I pursued him a bit more than he pursued me. He wasn't showing evidence of really having God in his life, and for me, God was my whole life. On top of all of this, I knew deep down he didn't truly love me. He even said to me, "Troccoli, you're bigger than life. You're too much for me. I don't want to work that hard. With you I'll have a life of challenge, and I don't want it."

It took my best friend telling me, "He doesn't love you, Kathy. He does not love you. What are you doing?" to get through to me. I think I knew he didn't love me, but there was a part of me that could not fathom that as much as I felt for him, he did not feel the same way too.

I absolutely know now that this man's lack of love was God's protection, because he wasn't God's choice for me. Yet God -- as He always does -- has used time and His truth to continue to heal the wounds deep in my heart and woo me, win me, back to Him.

So, if you're longing for romantic intimacy today, God will give it to you -- He is waiting to do so. But, in the meantime, let God show you what it's like to really be lovedby Him.

Copyright 2000 by Dee Brestin and Kathy Troccoli. All rights reserved.

Kathy's new book (co-written with Dee Brestin), Falling In Love With Jesus,was released in January through Word Publishing. Visit for more information about the book and Kathy's seminar/concert schedule.