Spiritual Tools for Couples

Pam and Bill Farrel

April 26, 2008

The first fight Bill and I had was our first attempt to study the Bible together. How very strange is that? It is a picture of just how serious Satan is at wreaking havoc on the institute of marriage. Maybe you have had a fight on the way to church or over the topic of even going to church.

Consider these statistics:

  • The divorce rate for first time marriages is about the 50% rate
  • Couples who pray together daily divorce at less than 1% rate!
  • Couples who pray together rate their sex life with the highest possible rating.
  • Couples who attend a weekly church worship service also give their sex life the highest sexual satisfaction rating.
  • Couples who have a friendship circle that believe in long term monogamous marriage tend to have long term happy marriages—these kind of friendship circles also might be found in the local church.[i]

Do you see the pattern? The more spiritual your marriage is, the more likely it will be successful and sexually satisfying. The more passion you have toward God the more you’ll have available for your marriage.

See why Satan wants to keep you from praying, from reading the Bible, from getting to church? He knows it will make a difference in your relationship for the good.

So if spirituality is the most powerful tool in building a long term happy and sexually satisfying relationship, then how does a couple go about building their spiritual life? In our newest book, 10 Best Decisions Every Couple Can Make, we give a few tools to give your love and life an Extreme Home Makeover:  

Decide to. That’s plain and simple. Decide a spiritual life is just as important as being at the kid’s soccer games. It is as valuable as that weekly golf tee time or tennis match. Time praying with your spouse each day is as vital as your daily shower or daily stop at Starbucks. Our mentors in ministry, Jim and  Sally Conway in their book, Traits of a Lasting Marriage discovered the secret to long term happy marriages. Get your pen out, get ready to write down this earth shattering discovery; Couples that had long term happy marriages DECIDED to have long term happy marriages. Duh! Seems simple in concept but extremely hard to apply in daily life. Decide today will be the day to build spiritually into your marriage.

Once you make the big decision, your next step is check to see if you have all the tools in your tool belt.

One thing that drives my husband, Bill, crazy is when our boys get into his tool chest or tool belt and “borrow” his tools. Then, when he goes to use them, they are not there and what was a five minute job becomes an all morning hunt for which son used the tool last and where that tool might now be located. The key tools for building your spiritual life  are found in this simple acrostic:

Talk to God: Spend time in prayer alone and with your spouse. Just like communication is vital to your marriage relationship, so it is with your spiritual relationship.

Obey the truth: As you grow in your faith, commit to applying the truths you learn to your daily lives. Seek to choose what is right, not always what is easiest.

Overcome evil: Repent of personal sins, ask your spouse to forgive you of ways you may have sinned against him or her, and commit to change.

Look in the Bible: It's hard to grow in the truth and overcome evil if you never crack open God's Word. Set aside time weekly to read and study the Word.

Share with others: Connect with with others as a couple in two ways. Find strength and support for your marriage in a small group of fellow believers. Also, bond by sharing your faith with others in your community.

So together, get out your spiritual tool chest, and you will soon see the pay-offs in all areas of your love life!


Need a fresh perspective on life and love? Check out Pam and Bill’s books: Fantastic After 40 and Every Marriage is a Fixer Upper at Ladies, if you are over 40, join Also, to boost to a marriage at any stage of life try out Pam and Bill’s new DVD marriage curriculum by Lifeway Publishers, Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti and enjoy hearing and seeing the Farrels teach some great relationship principles with a twist of humor. To order: You can meet the Farrels in person at one of their many speaking events, check out the calendar: