If you have reached that point of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” listen! This is far more profound than the questions addressing our looks, size, shape, or accomplishments.
The question, “What is wrong with me?” does not concern the things we can do or the things we have done. It does not concern our appearance or our manners but our souls, our very being—who we are at the core.
This is a most dangerous place to be—measuring our worth by the favor of fickle men and women. It is a most dangerous question because we are not asking what is wrong with us in general principle—we are aware that plenty is wrong with us. We are asking, “Is what is wrong with me the cause of my singleness?”
But what if it were, as we suspected, simply a flaw in our very nature? What if there was nothing we could do to effect change to then be married? That would only confirm our desperate state and drive us toward hopelessness. The only help would be if, while we were yet helpless, while we were yet sinners, someone worked on our behalf (Romans 5:8). And this is how it is.
If our God cared enough to die for us then who could refuse to live with us? If God loved us enough to want to be with us, then what is wrong with us should not deter mere humans. Our hope lies outside ourselves, and it does not matter that our attempts at perfection meet with continual failure. It does not matter at all that we were not worthy of love in ourselves because there is one who makes us worthy—Jesus.
We are worthy of love? We are worthy of marriage because we are renewed and treasured in Christ. We shine the light of the gospel in such a way that his glory is evident in our lives, and we do this because it is our joy (Matthew 5:16, Matthew 13:43; Philippians 2:15). It is only natural that those who desire the warmth of the gospel should be drawn to us.
I will not say that nothing is wrong with you or that nothing is wrong with me. But what is wrong with us may have nothing to do with why we are single. Let me say it another way. We are frail, weak, foolish, sinful, depraved, and do not deserve the love of another person BUT!!!!!!!!—God! God is gracious and does not repay us as our sins deserve. Thank God!
What is wrong with us? Everything and nothing? We are both failing sinners who are being glorified, and we are positionally pure and justified—adopted children of the Universe Maker (Romans 8:30, Ephesians 1:5). We are being “transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit" (2 Corinthians 3:18). This being true, there is no reason someone should not be drawn to us. I don’t care where we have been. Christ has been there and has washed us clean.
No matter your faults there is grace enough to forgive and grace enough to bless.
No matter your weakness there is grace enough to cover and grace enough to aide.
No matter your sins grace is sufficient to forgive and cleanse all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).
What we deserve and what grace delivers are two separate things—thank God!
There are no happy couples together in marriage because they “deserve each other!” Those who deserve each other are miserable. We don’t “deserve” the blessing of marriage, but he is a gracious God. We will not receive what we “deserve”—THANK GOD!
Because of grace, we can and should hope for a love that is fulfilling but we dare not finish our performance and demand what we deserve from he who is the source of our glory. It is our brokenness and not our perfect performance that he desires. And when that is done we must wait and trust that he is a good God. He IS a good God.
This should be freeing. Yes! Press towards godliness. Walk in the Spirit! Run after his glory! Hunger and thirst for righteousness and know that he is faithful. His rewards are with him (Isaiah 62:11). What we do or do not have is covered under this truth, and we do not pursue him for the things he can give. We pursue him because he is God, because we love him.
The truth is you may have done plenty to “deserve” punishment, but it may not be why you are single. There may be plenty wrong with you, but it may not be why you are single. Our issues may be part of the truth, but it is NOT the WHOLE truth. This means that the “baggage” we all carry hinders but does not determine our state. We must seek spiritual and emotional health but it is to grace we look, in his love we hope. We are all broken vessels—jars of clay in need of repair.
When loneliness rises from a groan to a scream, we must remember who we are. We are the children of a great king before whom the universe quivers. We are not measured by our availability on Friday nights. Our worth is marked out in the majesty of the stellar formations—even they declare his glory. He has touched us to heal us, and we are changed.
Our Lord stands near us as our disappointment rises to a fever pitch calling softly,
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).
He calls to us telling us that we often toil at work, that is not our work. He says,
“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:29).
He knows. It is obvious he knows. We are not simply tired of body, but tired of soul. He knows the loneliness has driven us to our knees asking, “What is wrong with me?”
He does not urge us to sit and do nothing, but to do what is ours to do—the lighter part of the work. He says,
“For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:30).
This is the truth we must live. Any other is from the Father of Lies. We are exhausted, not because he has tasked us with so much, but because we have picked up the wrong yoke and have tried to plow this field on our own. The weariness we sense is matched by the voice we hear—“Come to me!”
Salvation is first and foremost. Until you have come to trust him for the forgiveness of your sin, it is quite proper that you bear a heavy burden. Sin is a terrible weight.
But for we who have been relieved of our burden it is an invitation to rest in the arms of our true love and trust that he is working—even now, while we wait.
Hudson Russell Davis was born on a small Island in the West Indies called Dominica, and this is only one reason he does not like cold weather and loves guava. He is a graduate of James Madison University with a B.A. in Graphic Design and earned a Masters in Theology from Dallas Theological Seminary. Currently he is a Ph.D. candidate at Saint Louis University studying historical theology. Hudson has worked as a graphic artist and worship leader but expresses himself through poetry, prose, photography, and music. His activities are just about anything outdoors, but tennis is his current passion.
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Marriage Survey: Have you "heard from God" that you are definitely going to get married? If so, I would like to hear your story. Has God told you t
1) Marry a certain person
2) Not to marry a certain person
3) that you would definitely get married?
Drop me a line HERE and (briefly) describe how you "know" it was God speaking to you or guiding you.