The excitement of living on my own and working for a missions agency faded last year as I moved back home after three adventurous years.
I was home. I was with family. Things felt right. I was happy.
But after all the unpacking and getting reunited with friends and family, I had to face the real world. I had bills. I had to grow up.
I eventually got a part time job that I hated. If you haven’t had one of those yet, smile because you’re beating some statistic out there.
But I began quickly to throw a lot of questions at the Lord.
“God, how long am I going to be home?”
“Come on, God, seriously, what do You have next for me?”
“Well, if I’m only here for a little while, there’s no point to getting a full-time job, right?”
It’s hard making decisions when God is silent. And it’s even harder when the noise of life is amplified. I had just left working for something that I was passionate about. Bagging groceries wasn’t cutting it for me now.
Geez, something had to give. My heart was dying out there.
I had a faded image in my mind of what I’d want to do in the future. But how in the hell do you figure out the 10,000 steps that it takes to get there?
Something inside of me tells me that I’m not alone in this battle. Stories of friends changing majors left and right always reminded me of this lurking battle to figure out your ‘calling’, your ‘future’, your ‘destiny’, your whatever. My generation is buckling under the weight of the future.
I was 21 years old. I needed benefits. I needed a 9-5. I needed to build a career.
“Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” -Proverbs 19:21
I tried to build some 9-5 dream. I tried, but I failed. Why? Are 9-5’s bad? No, they aren’t. But for me, they weren’t in the plans right now.
I long to be a mother some day. Sometimes I dream of being called ‘mommy‘. I close my eyes when a kid yells ‘mommy,’ and I dream of what it will feel like when it’s the voice of my precious ones. I’m that girl that has an on-going collection of Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys books for my future children’s library that I imagine them having. I’m that girl that perks up and loses focus when a baby comes into the room. My Pinterest board for “the children of my future” is ridiculously full.
I know, shake your head, but I’m seriously that girl. It might not be your thing, but I don’t care. That’s why it’s my thing and not your thing. But what matters is that we find our ‘thing’.
One day, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I remember having talks with my mom, a successful business woman, about career choices. I considered a lot of options. Then I perfected my resume one more time. I realized that I didn’t want to be a bank teller or a personal assistant. My goal in life was not a successful 9 – 5, a specific career, or benefits. I felt like I was throwing my life away trying to pursue something that I wasn’t ever meant to pursue.
What I wanted was to be a mom. I was about to trade my passion in for other people’s dreams for me. I almost robbed myself of the joy that I now have.
I’m still at home. I’m still with family. Things still feel right. I’m still happy. And now, I have a little bit clearer picture of my ‘purpose’.
God intervened and opened doors for me to become a nanny to two of the cutest toddlers in the world. Seriously, they couldn’t be any more perfect for me.
I’m single, but I’m head over heels in love with a little 3-year-old boy. I’m an outdoorsy type girl, but this 4-year-old little girl has me memorizing Disney Princesses. I don’t have a college degree, but I’m getting the necessary training for my future occupation. I might not look like a picture perfect version of success, but I feel successful. I feel like a woman who is becoming a better version of herself.
At the end of the day, I still don’t know what I’ll be doing with my life in the next five or ten years, but I really hope that it might include a baby or two or twelve. But at the end of the day, those things don’t matter.
In the next five or ten years, I really just want to be someone who loves God and who looks to Him in the everyday moments. I just really want to be someone who is known not solely for her intelligence or her beauty or her riches or her fame, but for her love for God regardless of where He takes her.
I wish they would include “lover of God” as a career choice. Because even though some days I’m terrible at it, it’s what I was made to do.
Don’t give in to the pressure. Don’t rob yourself of joy trying to find happiness. Prestige is nothing if you don’t have passion.
Find that thing you were made to do and fall in love with the thought of doing it for the rest of your life.
You were made to love God and to love people.
Find your purpose and ‘destiny’ in that and watch Him bring definition and meaning to the rest of your life’s story.
Courtney Fricke is a passionate young adult who is compelled to give God the strength of her youth. She has served at a missions agency and a Bible School in Texas for three years and is also moving to do full-time missions in Thailand this January. Courtney aspires to be both a voice and an example to the nations declaring that Jesus is worthy.
You can find more info about her ministry at www.courtneyfricke.com.
Publication date: July 3, 2012