Lord Jesus, my heart is heavy and burdened. This year has been unbelievably hard. It seems everywhere we turn, we find nothing but trouble, heartache, pain. It’s taking it’s toll on me. Life seems to be robbing me of my joy, my peace. I cry out to you night and day, begging for a break, asking you to please lift the pain and the fear and the confusion.
I know you are not the author of fear or confusion, but if I’m honest, that’s where I’ve been living. I hear your sweet, gentle whisper. I hear you say, “This is my battle. Just trust me.” But it seems my trust is gone, my faith is weak. I beg you to help my unbelief, to restore my mind. Yet, day by day, I find my mind spiraling in the wrong direction, reminding me of the painful circumstances swirling around me.
It’s not just one part of my life. I’m bombarded on every front! I can’t escape the fear by going to work or coming home. It’s here. It’s now. It’s all-consuming. I have no safe place, no security.
I know my attitude is wrong, sinful. I’ve tried so hard to bring my mind back to you, to run to you. I know my help comes from you. I know you are on my side. I know you are working in me in ways I can’t see. I keep hearing you tell me these painful days will make me stronger, better prepared for the future you have for me.
But I am weary and worn. I ache from exhaustion. I waste away from inability to sleep or eat. I struggle to get out of bed in the morning, to force myself to make it through yet another day.
I need you.
I need you
I need you, my Great I Am, my One who knows me better than I know myself. I need you my Great I Am, my One who is exactly what I need, exactly when I need it. I need you, my Great I Am, my One who knows the way and prepares it before me.
I need you, the Restorer of my Soul, the joy of my salvation. I need you, the renewer of my mind, the One who makes all things good in His time. I need you, the One who brings beauty from ashes and makes all things right. I need you.
Today, right now, I fall on my knees and ask you to change me, to change my heart, to change my mind. I ask you to help me focus fully and completely on you so your perfect peace can overtake me. I ask you to strengthen my weak knees, my weak heart for the journey ahead. I ask you to sustain me as I follow this path, the one I never wanted and never asked for. I ask you to carry me as my life seems to crumble all around me.
You are my only hope, my only joy. You are the One I want, the One I need. You are the answer to all of my heartache and despair. You are the One who has always been faithful, always carried me through, always brought me back to life.
Gently guide my mind to remember your past faithfulness, all of the ways you have cared for me before. Let your gentle love, your presence, wash over me to comfort my spirit when the fears carry me away. Draw me into your loving presence, the only place of safety and security, the only place of complete and perfect peace.
Change the way I look at life. Let your hope invade every secret corner of my heart, every inch of my mind. Help me to remember every moment that you already see the other side, that you’ve never failed me yet and you won’t fail me now. Let your precious spirit take over and flow through me.
You told us life would be hard. I know hard. I always know You. I know the One who overcomes this world, who carries us through all the heartache and trials this life throws at us. Thank you that I know the One who will be victorious, the One who has already won the battle. Help me to rest in knowing you.
Even as my world crumbles around me, I choose to trust you.
In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.