The status of being single holds so much more weight than merely not being in a relationship or married. Often singlehood can become an open door for lies to creep in; these lies can be discouraging and leave the single person feeling defeated. How then can we acknowledge common falsehoods and speak truth to them moving forward?
1. All Singles Have a "Paul Calling"
In the church community, there are often connections we will make regarding someone in the Bible and how their story can relate to a modern-day journey of a person. God called Paul to be single, so a go-to for many in the church towards singles is to reason that if someone has not found a spouse, they have a Paul anointing upon their life. Although this can be the case for some, it is not the case for all. In fact, using this terminology can actually be hurtful and harmful to many in telling them the desire for marriage within their hearts is in vain. This is where the words we speak over one another must be considered and cultivated through prayer before we pour them out over another person. It is imperative to recognize that Paul's calling and life were not dependent upon him being wifeless; there was a heavy and challenging missionary calling upon his life that made marriage nearly impossible. Just because someone else was called to be single for their entire life does not mean that is the same calling for all singles in the church.
2. High Standards Will Fail You
When it comes to singles, there is the belief that holding a standard is the fatal flaw to why they are alone. There are two types of standards to be considered in terms of dating. The first is the person's looks, personality, attraction, or even profession or education. These appear to be surface-level, but they are not always pure vanity. It is wise to discern with God if those surface-level preferences are necessary for you to look for in a specific person or if they are vanity that needs refinement. The second type of standard is those set in the Bible for a follower of Christ to seek to abide by. When it comes to dating, it is not high standards that will fail if those standards align with what God has outlined in His Word to be required or what God has made evident through His Spirit for each specific person. Being "picky" often results from having standards for a godly man or wife, which is never something that one should feel bad for.
3. If You're Over 30 it's Too Late
Numbers and years can often hold specific connotations and judgments as well. For example, many believe that thirty is a marker or indicator that you have now entered into a place of the only option being to settle. This is simply untrue. It is a remarkable blessing that each of us has a story and plan over our lives that, though it may look similar to another person's, is never the same. Unlike graduating from school or getting a driver's license, major life events do not all have to happen at the same time for each person. God has reasons as to why some marry young, and some marry well into their later years. God is more concerned about the heart of someone and helping them to become the man or woman He sees in them than rushing them down to the next milestone. Trust His process, timing, and that He holds every year in consideration for purpose.
4. You Can't Heal from Your Past
The past can also invoke haunting lies that can be hard to shake off. Many of us have scars, soul wounds, and specific things in our memories that we wish had never occurred. Therein lies a fear that it is impossible to heal from the past--but your past is not a life sentence. Through therapy, time, and the power of God through prayer, recovery is possible. It may not be an easy road, but that does not mean it is impossible. Consider the earlier positions of those who Jesus healed and how their futures had a new beginning through Him. Invite God into every place in your life, heart, and mind and see what He can do to bring you to your fresh start.
5. You Don't Deserve Love
It can be hard for many with difficult childhoods or traumatic pasts to believe that love is accessible and even destined for them. This goes far past just romantic love, but love as a whole. There is a promise of hope when the love of Jesus enters the scene. The love of God is much like Springtime; it leaves no corner of the land untouched with His love, kindness, and embrace. Although whispers of the past will attempt to convince you that you don't deserve love, remember that Christ died for you. You are deserving of love and all the goodness He has planned just for you.
6. God Has Forgotten about You
Likely the most common lie that singles will believe is that God has forgotten them. In the moment, it can feel as if God's silence equates to Him forgetting, but that is not the case. God has a specific timeline for each of us, and He never neglects to fulfill each plan. Psalm 139:16 says, "You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." He holds a book with His plans for each of us, and we matter so much to Him. As He says in Matthew 10, if His eye is on the sparrow, how much more does He see, know, and have planned for us? Instead of worrying that you are forgotten, connect and seek Him for what you are called to do and believe that no matter what He has ahead, He is faithful.
Although it can be easy to fall into believing lies that so often pour over singles, what is important is to seek what God has to say. He has a plan for each and every one of His children, and He cares for every one of us. Connect with Him and place your desires before Him, and believe that He will bring about what is best for you in His timing.
Related Resource: Listen to our FREE podcast, Reframed: The Power of Perspective. In each episode, Carley provides practical techniques for identifying and reframing negative thinking patterns. Listen to an episode below, and check out all of our episodes on LifeAudio.com.
Photo credit: © Getty Images/Marjan Apostolovic
Cally Logan is an author and US History teacher from Richmond, Virginia. In her free time, she enjoys mentoring youth and spending time in nature. Her book, Hang on in There, Girl! Will be available everywhere on April 1, 2022. Check her out on Instagram and Twitter, @CallyLogan and TikTok Cally_Logan.