How to Be Compassionate
By Aaron D’Anthony Brown
“Therefore, as God’s chosen ones, holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a grievance against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive.” (Colossians 3:12-13)
The Meaning of Compassion
Compassion is one of those words we don’t hear all that much these days. Obvious when looking at how we treat those with differing views, especially those from the opposite political party. It’s also one of those words that has a deeper meaning than what immediately comes to mind.
The prefix com means ‘with’ or ‘together.’ Think of words like communicate or community. The noun passion means ‘suffering’ or ‘enduring.’ Think of the film Passion of the Christ. If we combine these two words, then that means compassionate in the etymological sense is defined as ‘with suffering’ or ‘suffering together.’
Through Jesus, we see a past, present, and future example of what constitutes perfect compassion. Through Him, we also recognize our current lack in the area and where we need to improve.
Compassion is not just one to restore civility to the dinner table or our conversations at work and online. Compassion is how we go about living our daily lives in a way that honors and emulates Christ. What a perfect lesson as we head into the Christmas holiday and the new year!
Intersecting Faith and Life:
Calling ourselves compassionate is easy, but living in a way that honestly embodies this concept is much more difficult. However, difficulty is one of the markers of Christian life, as is togetherness, as is suffering. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us, including becoming more compassionate (Philippians 4:13). If that’s the change you want to start making today, here are a few suggestions.
Slow to Speak
“My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” (James 1:19)
One of the tell-tale signs of a modern-day conversation is how fast each person is to speak, and not just speak, but speak about themselves. Speaking does not have the same power to teach us as listening because, usually, we’re speaking about what we already know. On the other hand, when we choose to listen, we take in information, information we often do not already know.
The slower we can be to speak and the faster we can be to listen, the more we’ll ultimately learn. Furthermore, the greater compassion we’ll be able to share with others. People feel seen and acknowledged when you listen, not just when you speak to them. In fact, speaking to someone and not listening can have the opposite effect. As believers, we want people to be aware of and believe in their worth in Christ.
Listen Intently
While we should be slower to speak and quicker to listen, we shouldn’t aim to listen passively. We should listen intently with the aim of understanding the other person. People who listen just to respond are fostering dissension, not compassion. With greater understanding comes more fruitful discussions and deeper relationships. People feel a sense of belonging in the places where their voice is heard.
Ask Questions
One great way to show you’re listening and to gain understanding is to ask questions. Dig a bit deeper in conversations and show people just how much you really care.
Don’t Rush to Judge
The word judgment means to come to a conclusion. We all judge, despite how many times we claim just the opposite. Living as a Christian requires judgment, namely, discerning between good and evil, virtue and sin. There’s nothing inherently wrong with judging, but where we go astray is rushing to judge. If we hurry to label others, we miss opportunities to serve and be a source of compassion to those in need. Even when we think we have someone figured out, let’s make sure our conclusion has supporting evidence and is not just an assumption.
Be Present
If we are to suffer alongside someone, then we have to be with them in the present. Today, one of our constant temptations is to put off our in-person connections for something electronic like social media. Doing so limits our ability to bear one another’s burdens. Let’s admit the obvious, do we feel more connected when talking to someone online or face to face?
Be Honest
Lying for the sake of not wanting to offend is by no means compassionate nor a behavioral trait of Christ. Compassion requires honesty, especially if we’re hoping to serve someone in a way that brings about change in their lives.
Don’t Flee Conflict
Similar to fearing honesty, being overly non-confrontational is not Christ-like behavior either. While Jesus was not a man who walked town to town scolding everyone who came His way, Jesus was also not the pacifist that some portray Him to be. There’s definitely a balance to strike up between being confrontational and not, but what is important is that we don’t shy away from conflict. The reason we can appreciate the good in life is because we know the bad. The same applies to our relationships.
Further Reading:
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Sarah Mason
Aaron D'Anthony Brown is a freelance writer, hip-hop dance teacher, and visual artist, living in Virginia. He currently contributes work to iBelieve, Crosswalk, and supports various clients through the platform Upwork. He's an outside-the-box thinker with a penchant for challenging the status quo. Check out his short story “Serenity.”
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