In the past, I have written about the importance of getting to know your date, of realizing that they are essentially a "foreigner." The way they think, act, talk, and feel will all be different from the way you do. They may even have some different values than you have. Getting to know them sincerely, as early as possible, can help you and this person to build on your differences, to learn to compromise when necessary, and to create the foundation of a truly healthy relationship.
Continuing with that discussion, I'd like to further discuss some ways you and your date or boyfriend/girlfriend can get to know each other. I believe that it's important to know who they are now and who they were, both before you met them and as a child. Here are some basic questions to ask one another about your childhood and adolescence.
How did you get along with each of your parents? What were they like?
What did you like and dislike about your parents?
How did you get along with your brothers and sisters?
Who were your favorite relatives?
What is the first thing you can remember?
What special memories do you have of your childhood?
What do you remember about your first day of school?
What was your favorite grade, and who were your favorite teachers?
What did you enjoy or dislike about school and its activities?
What were your hurts and disappointments as a child?
What were your hobbies and favorite games?
How did you usually get into trouble?
What pets did you have? Which were your favorites, and why?
Did you like yourself as a child? Why or why not?
Did you like yourself as a teenager? Why or why not?
Did you have enough money in your youth? Enough clothing?
What were your talents and special abilities?
What awards or special achievements did you win?
Did you have a nickname?
What did you dream about doing when you were older?
Who were your close friends? What are they doing today?
What would you do on hot summer afternoons?
Describe the area where you grew up: the people, neighborhood, etc.
What were you afraid of? Do you have any of those fears today?
At what age did you start to like the opposite sex?
What was your first date?
Where did you have your first dates?
How did you feel when you liked someone and that person didn't care for you?
Who were your other dates or steadies?
What did you like or dislike about them?
What was your spiritual life as a child? As an adolescent?
How did you express your relationship with God during this time?
Of course, you don't have to ask these specific questions; you can make up some of your own. The important thing is to get to know the person your partner is and was so that you'll be able to comfortably be with the person they will become as your relationship solidifies. Learn how they see the world, and teach them about how you see it. In this way, you'll be able to grow together.
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