I had prayed for this day all of my life and it had finally arrived. I was engaged to be married. I had longed for this day forever, and now I felt ... weird. I didn't know what I felt exactly. I wondered why I wasn't jumping out of my skin with excitement and joy. But I couldn't. I was just mesmerized by the fact that I actually had a ring on my finger, and it wasn't a piece of cosmetic jewelry that I had bought myself, this one was real. It was from a real man!
The day itself had been a wonder. In fact, the previous two or three months had been a wonder. I had been asking advice of everyone who I thought had some sense of spirituality. Do you think I'm ready for marriage? Do you think that, indeed, Jerry is the one? Do you have any concerns whatsoever that I might want to consider before making this big decision?
The butterflies in my stomach were flying in so many different directions that I was sure they must all have concussions by now from running into each other. I thought that maybe some profound statement from a friend -- or better yet, a dramatic sign straight from the throne of God -- would make those butterflies at least fly in formation. Hopefully, they would just go away.
But nothing that anyone said made me feel any better or really made any kind of sense. I was all alone in the wondrous months before my engagement. Of course, there were people physically there, but no one could enter into the inner core of me deep enough to calm the storm that was raging inside. Now I know that that is exactly what the Lord wanted: me, alone with Him for once.
I can recall several occasions where God shook up my world in such a way that the only alternative I had was to come to Him. My tendency (and probably yours, too) is to go to your friends and family with your concerns so that they can give you their best shot at an answer. However, you will probably most often find that no matter what answer they give, it is still not sufficient for the churning that you feel in the face of life's matters. There is only one being who can lead us in the right direction when life's questions need answers. You know who it is. Why not just go to Him first, instead of waiting until you are at your wit's end? "Lean on Him in all your understanding and He will direct your path." (Proverbs 3:5-6)
He wants to lead us in every area of our lives, but He waits for us to come to Him. He wants to know that we want Him just as badly as He wants us!
By the way, I finally decided to allow God to take control of my relationship with Jerry, and we were married on July 24, 1999.
Are you planning a wedding, or do you know someone who is? Keep things in perspective by reading If I Go Bridal, Somebody Smack Me.