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“I’m Not Sure I Want Children” - I Do Every Day - January 26, 2020

“I’m not sure I want children”

By Ashley Mercier

I kissed dating goodbye. I donned the “my beloved is mine” ring. Youth camp was my jam. Revivals, evangelism training, acoustic worship sing-fests lasting well past midnight. 

I was a career Christian who did it all right. Especially dating. With a few bumps in the path, I walked a (somewhat pious) straight and narrow road that I hoped would lead right to the altar.

But like the Israelites, I did more circling than forward movement. And at 33, still single, I’d had it with God’s way. I wanted algorithms, matches, dimensions … something!

A couple of years and seven men later, I found the guy. He can’t sing, didn’t read any dating books, and didn’t wear any rings. Yet God showed me that He was mine—clearly.

It was our second date. Hypothetical children were the topic. He said, “I’m not sure I want to have children…” 

Shock, panic, doom. 

Then quietly, “It’s just that there are so many children in the world already who need parents. I think that’s what I want: adoption.”

I swooned a little, but had no understanding of the foreboding of that statement.

We’ve adopted now. Two precious children. It’s a great story made greater by the revelation that I cannot have kids. I didn’t know this eight years ago when we had that second date. But God did.

God, in His mercy, provided me with a husband whose resume I would have never written. His singing voice pales in comparison to the nurture he offers as a father. Being his first “I love you” embodies the real meaning behind that beloved purity ring. 

Like any marriage, the minor points of the story are riddled with character development (read: character building!), but the table of contents demonstrates God’s intention in our union. 

The span between second date and two adoptions was defined by one word: Wait. The same word that defined my first 33 years has followed me since. Life is full of waiting—for a friend to be healed, on children, for agreement in marriage, for a job, for finances to straighten out. It never ends. 

We pray and trust our way to each next milestone, so we can look back and see God’s faithfulness.

Do you find yourself in a season of unknowns? Read “7 Lessons I’ve Learned From Waiting.”

The good stuff: God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)

Action points: Sit and write a timeline of your life. Hit the major milestones, focusing on God’s faithfulness. Do you see patterns? How has He provided in the past?

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