How To Photograph the Cat
--Put the cat on a pillow.
--Set up your camera.
--Put the cat back on the pillow.
--Get a bowl of food and put it next to the pillow.
--Put the cat back on the pillow.
--Grab the food bowl and follow the cat. As you run, hold the bowl in our cat's face, tempting her to eat.
--See if the neighbours will come over and pick up the sofa while you snap a picture of the cat underneath.
--Cross the names of your neighbours off the list for your next party.
--Put the cat back on the pillow.
--Place a catnip-stuffed mouse in front of your cat and wait for your cat to go crazy.
--Go back to the pet store and demand a refund.
--Decide on a family portrait with the cat instead.
--To stop the argument over which child gets to pose with the cat, agree to take pictures of each child holding the cat on her lap.
--Tell each child that it doesn't matter who holds the cat first because you'll shuffle the pictures after they're developed and look at them in a different order than the order they were taken.
--Get more cats, one for each child, and go back to step one ...
Originally published November 14, 2002.
