Old Testament Bumper Stickers
They have found, at the base of Mount Horeb, an ancient cave, unopened for three thousand years. Apparently this cavern was used by the Israelites to store and repair all the army's rolling stock. There were hundreds of vehicles in all stages of repair that will keep archaeologists busy for years. On of the mysteries was a container holding dozens of pieces of parchment that were apparently made to be carried on an upright spear into battle. The parchments were rolled into separate groups and, when the language scholars deciphered them they fell into several distinct groups -- each containing a similar set of words. The group with the most banners was a thick one with the same words on each. These apparently proclaimed, "Shout Huzzah if you love Moses. Another group had wording which showed the Israelites grasp of the calendar, as they said, "In the name of Cain, Celebrate National Brotherhood Week." There were some that were apparently done to remind the people of the wrath of G-d, as they were printed with the slogan, "If you can see Sodom, you're too darned close." The scholars were to find, on some, the concept of the mighty figures of the bible, because many carried to the words, "I'm Elijah -- my other chariot rolls." It is amazing to find how safety minded the ancient people were. There were several banners which bore the writing, "Remember Goliath: support the ban on unlicensed slingshots." Finally, to indicate how the Israelites revered their elders, they found many banners that simply said, "In the name of Methuselah -- be kind to senior citizens." One of the translators suggested that these phrases would make wonderful bumper stickers for today's Israeli cars, but his idea was turned down as being too fanciful.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
