Back to School

Here's a few puns for those of you going back to school. Most of them are not that good, but I'm not sure that's necessary for a pun is it?

A boy come home from school with his exam results.
"What did you get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.
"What do you mean 'under water'?"
"They are all below 'C' level"

Teacher: "Spell 'WATER',"
Girl: "HIJKLMNO."
Teacher: "That doesn't spell 'WATER',"
Girl: "Yes, it does. ... It's all the letters from 'H to O'."

"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor, "Mr. Nichols, what is the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness," said the student.
"And the opposite of depression, Ms. Biggs?"
"Elation."
"And you sir, how about the opposite of woe?"
"I believe that would be giddy up."

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up "Yeah, right."

There was this kindly professor who took on an errant graduate student. This student had difficulty making anything work. She was late, she broke things. She wasted reagents and never cleaned up after herself.

However, she was always pleasant, and she treated the professor and his profession with utmost respect. This was uplifting and very pleasant for him. So, when the inevitable time came for him to drop her he felt very sad.

Therefore, he went to a great deal of trouble to make it as easy on her as possible. He took her to a nice restaurant and hired a musician to play Mozart while they dined.

Later, when his colleagues would ask him why he went to so much trouble for such a pain in the kazoo, he replied, "But this is divorce of a reverent scholar."