You Might Be in Education if

· You can converse in middle-schoolease.

· Your last nerve is a distant memory...

· Every day is a bad hair day.

· You find humor in public parental discipline.

· You worry about getting sued for self-esteem violations.

· You believe the staff room should be equipped with Valium salt licks.

· You stand on your front porch instructing the neighbor children to "Walk!"

· Junior Highers make you feel old but you could not be paid to be that age again...

· You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to only work 8 - 3 and have your Summers free."

· You refer to adults as "boys and girls".

· You encourage your husband by telling him he is a "good helper".

· You believe chocolate is a major food group.

· You can tell it's a full moon without ever looking outside.

· You believe "extremely annoying" should have its own box on the report card.

· You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, the kids are sure mellow today."

· When you are out in public you snap your fingers at children who are misbehaving.

· You give your spouse "the look" when "misbehaving."

· You have no life from August through June.

· Putting all A's on the report card would be so much easier.

· You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce, earned by having worked in a middle school for 5 years.

· You encourage a parent to check into home schooling.

· You can't have children of your own because there isn't a name you can hear that wouldn't elevate your blood pressure.

· You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.

· You think that caffeine should be available in I V form.

· Meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like that?"

· You can converse in middle-schoolease.

· Your last nerve is a distant memory...

· Every day is a bad hair day.

· You find humor in public parental discipline.

· You worry about getting sued for self-esteem violations.

· You believe the staff room should be equipped with Valium salt licks.

· You stand on your front porch instructing the neighbor children to "Walk!"

· Junior Highers make you feel old but you could not be paid to be that age again...

· You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to only work 8 - 3 and have your Summers free."

· You refer to adults as "boys and girls".

· You encourage your husband by telling him he is a "good helper".

· You believe chocolate is a major food group.

· You can tell it's a full moon without ever looking outside.

· You believe "extremely annoying" should have its own box on the report card.

· You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, the kids are sure mellow today."

· When you are out in public you snap your fingers at children who are misbehaving.

· You give your spouse "the look" when "misbehaving."

· You have no life from August through June.

· Putting all A's on the report card would be so much easier.

· You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce, earned by having worked in a middle school for 5 years.

· You encourage a parent to check into home schooling.

· You can't have children of your own because there isn't a name you can hear that wouldn't elevate your blood pressure.

· You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.

· You think that caffeine should be available in I V form.

· Meeting a child's parent instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like that?"

Originally published November 14, 2002.