Dictionary For Dicussions With Women
1. "Fine"
This is the word women use at the end of any argument when
they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any
longer. It means that you should shut up. ( NEVER use "Fine"
to describe how she looks. This will cause you to have one of
those arguments. )
2. "Five minutes"
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that
your football game is going to last before you take out the
trash, so women feel that it's an even trade.
3. "Nothing"
"Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes.
"Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman
has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and
backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that
will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."
4. "Go Ahead" ( with raised eyebrows )
This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for
permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over
"Nothing" and you'll have a "Five-minute" discussion that
will end with the word "Fine."
5. "Go Ahead" ( normal eyebrows )
This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do
what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised
eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just an few minutes, followed by
"Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five
Minutes" when she cools off.
6. "Loud Sigh"
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement.
Very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means
she thinks you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is
wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over
"Nothing."
7. "Soft Sigh"
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are
one of the few things that some men actually understand. It
means she is momentarily content. Your best bet is to not
move or breathe in the hope that the moment will last a bit
longer.
8. "Oh"
This word-followed by any statement-is trouble. Example;
"Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what
you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a
statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell
you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes
out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at
least two days.
9. "That's Okay"
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman
can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to
think long and hard before deciding what the penalty will be
for whatever you have done. "That's Okay" is often used
with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a raised eyebrow
"Go Ahead." Once she has had time to plan it out, you are in
for some mighty big trouble.
10. "Please Do"
This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving
you the chance to come up with an excuse for what you have
done. In other words, a chance to get yourself into even more
trouble. If you handle this correctly, you shouldn't get a
"That's Okay."
11. "Thanks"
The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for
hidden meaning. Just say "you're welcome."
12. "Thanks A Lot"
Dramatically different from "Thanks." A woman will say
"Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It is
usually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies that
you have hurt her in some callous way. Be careful not
to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will
only tell you "Nothing."
Originally published May 28, 2004.
