How to Drive Men Crazy....
Shrink his underwear in the dryer and when he complains, innocently suggest that he's gained a few pounds. "Accidentally" fill the gas tank of his new Porsche with diesel. Have your mother fly in for a month-long visit, totally unannounced. Insist upon a lot of "meaningful conversations." Take the batteries out of all the remotes in the house. Hide them well. Organize his desk, workshop, bedroom, or other special place. Repeatedly lose his cellular phone in restaurants around town. Bribe his faithful dog away from him with a steady diet of Ring Dings. Misplace the cordless phone, preferably in a different room each time every other day for three weeks... Reverse his contact lenses in their case. Loan his precious cellular phone to a pregnant girlfriend who "needs it more than he does." Snip a small hole in his fishing waders, then follow him with a camera to capture his "sinking" on film. Stare at his forehead and when he notices, casually ask if there is any history of male pattern baldness on his mother's side. Superglue the pages of his Little Black Book together. (remember girls, this is ONLY a joke)
Originally published November 14, 2002.
