IF MEN RULED THE WORLD - PART II
Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance. Tanks would be far easier to rent. Garbage would take itself out. Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!" Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years. (Wouldn't help -- you STILL wouldn't remember!) On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off. Mother's Day, too. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month. Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing Cops. Or to the crooks. The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle. Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year. Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation. Submited by: Leslie D.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
