Life Beyond Fifty
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. There are three signs of old age. You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work. You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you. Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired. By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. Billy Graham has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends. Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier. You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise. Don't worry about avoiding temptation. The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress. You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started. You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before. The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out. Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac. It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything. You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas. Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.
But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget.
What must hell possibly be like? Home videos of the same reunion?
As you grow older, it will avoid you.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
