Men Are From Mars... Women Are From Venus
Re: Nicknames... If Jennifer, Sarah, Kelly, and Malina, go out for lunch, they will call each other Jennifer, Sarah, Kelly, and Malina. Re: Eating out... And when the check comes, Bryan, Mark, Richard and Roy will each throw in $20 bills, even though the entire check is only $22.50. None of the boyz will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. Re: Cats... All women love cats. Most men say they love cats, but... when women aren't looking, men kick cats. Re: The Bathroom... A man has five items in his bathroom. They are: a razor, shaving cream, a toothbrush, a bar of soap, and a towel. Re: Grocery Shopping... She makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. Re: Laundry... She does laundry every couple of days. He wears every article of clothing he owns, before he will do his laundry. Finally he runs out of clothes, so he wears a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rents a Yellow Truck and takes his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat. There he always expects to meet beautiful women. . . Re: Children. . . She knows all about her children. She knows about braces and dentist appointments and baseball games and crushes and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.
But if Bryan, Mark, Richard and Roy go out for a cool drink, they will affectionately refer to each other as Schmozo, p-Dot, Zongo, and Useless.
When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators and change purses...
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 394. Most men would not be able to identify the vast majority of these items.
He waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lemon and a can of rootbeer. Then he heads to the grocery store. He buys everything that looks good, or half the store. By the time he reaches the checkout counter, his cart looks like Jed Clampett's old truck when he headed for Califonia. He doesn't understand the dirty looks he gets as he heads for the Express checkout...
He is vaguely aware of some rather short people about the house.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
