Modern Maturity...
You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot. A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police. You're getting old when you wake up with that morning- after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before. Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier. You're getting old when 'tying one on' means fastening your Medic-Alert bracelet. As we grow older year by year, Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news -- the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac. Don't take life so seriously ... it's not permanent. I don't date women my age. . . There aren't any. (Milton Berle) You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise. Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money. Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress. You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas. You're getting old when you don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along. You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.
my husband always mourns:
The less and less we feel our oats,
The more we feel our corns.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
