New Bank ATM
"Please note that this Bank is installing new "Drive-through" teller machines. Customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.To enable customers to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up. Please read the procedure that applies to your own circumstances,
MALE or FEMALE, and remember them when you use the machine for the first time."
MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window to machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Turn the radio down.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way up.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check make up in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check make-up again.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give appropriate hand signal to irate male driver queuing behind.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
26. Release Parking Brake
27. Murderize the fool that wrote this...
Originally published November 09, 2003.
