Perks of Being Over 50
1. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. 2. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. 3. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service. 4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?" 5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. 7. Things you buy now won't wear out. 8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M. 9. You can live without much sleep but not without glasses. 10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations. 11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans and politicians. 12. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. 13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. 15. You sing along with the music piped into the Mall. 16. Your eyes won't get much worse. 17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. 18. Your ankles swell and you can't feel them either. 19. You have lost your sense of smell. 20. Your taste buds only sense the alcohol in medicines. and worst of all... ... You can't remember who sent you this darn list.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
