Real Men
All "real men" would answer "C" to the posed questions.
1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the earth. You are the first human they have encountered and as a token of inter-galactic friendship they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all diseases, provide an infinite supply of clean energy, wipe out hunger, and permanently eliminate oppression and violence. What would you do with it?
A. Present it to the Presdent
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.
2. As you grow older what lost quality of youth do you miss most?
A. innocence
B. Idealism
C. Fire crackers
3. In your opinion what is the ideal pet?
A. A cat
B. A dog
C. A dog that eats cats
4. One week day your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Which would be your first question?
A. Do they need to eat or anything?
B. They're in school already?
C. There are three of them?
5. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?
A. Democracy
B. Religion
C. Remote control
6. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She is attractive and intelligent and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy. You're watching a soccer game and she's reading the paper when suddenly, out of the blue she tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where our relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?
A. That you seriously believe the two of you have a future, but you don't want to rush it.
B. That although you also have strong feelings for her , but you cannot honestly say that any time soon you'll be ready to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hopes.
C. That you cannot believe the Redskins lost to Dallas two weeks ago.
7. Okay. So you have decided you really love a woman and you want to share with her all the all the joys and sorrows the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?
A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach. You say her name and when she turns to you with the sea breezes blowing her hair and stars in her eyes, you tell her.
C. Tell her what?
8. When would you hug another male?
A. If he's your Father and one of you has a fatal disease.
B. If you're performing the Heimlich procedure.
C. If you're a professional Football player and a teammate scores the touchdown to win the Super Bowl, provided that you also pound him fraternally with your fist hard enough to cause fractures.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
