The Bachelor Diet
Monday
Breakfast - Who can eat Breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth. Lunch - Send your secretary out for six "gutbombers" - those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of Maalox. Afternoon Snack - Drink the Maalox. Dinner - Six pack and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece Dinner, don't eat the coleslaw.
Tuesday
Breakfast - Eat the coleslaw. Lunch - Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close youreyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea. Dinner - Four tacos and a pitcher.
Wednesday
Breakfast - Stomach couldn't handle breakfast after a night at El Flasho's. Lunch - Rolaids and a coke. Dinner - Drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps.
Thursday
Breakfast - Order out for pizza. Lunch - Your secretary is out sick, check Mondays gutbomber sack for leftovers.Dinner - Go to a bar. Ask the bartender for extra olives.
Friday
Breakfast - Eggs, sausage and an English muffin at McDonalds. Eat the Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it's better for you. Lunch - Skip Lunch, Fridays are murder. Dinner - Steak, medium-rare, baked potato and asparagus. Don't eat the asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus.
Saturday
Breakfast - Sleep through it. Lunch - Ditto. Dinner - Steak, well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. Don't eat the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging basket.
Sunday
Breakfast - A Twinkie. Lunch - Eat Lunch? And waste a good nap? Dinner - Chicken noodle soup.
Call home and ask about renting your old room . . .
Originally published May 04, 2005.
