The Senility Prayer
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, The good fortune to run into the ones that I do, And - the eyesight to tell the difference. Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered . . . ONE: I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. TWO: My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran. THREE: I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart. FOUR :Funny, I don't remember being absent minded... FIVE :All reports are in; life is now officially unfair. SIX: If all is not lost, where is it? SEVEN: It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser. EIGHT: I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few... NINE: It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. TEN: Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom. ELEVEN: If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. TWELVE: When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess? THIRTEEN: It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere. FOURTEEN: The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. FIFTEEN: These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
