Top 10 Things Men and Women Won't Say
10. I wish he wouldn't waste all that money on chocolate and flowers and buy something practical, like an iron.
9. I can't wait for the play-offs!
8. He talks our relationship to death! It's making me crazy!
7. We're redecorating the bedroom, and he keeps bugging me to help him with the color choices!
6. I'm sick of dating doctors and lawyers! Give me a good old-fashioned waiter with a heart of gold any day!
5. He earned more than I do, so I broke up with him.
4. If he doesn't let me hold the remote, I get all moody.
3. His new girlfriend is thinner and better-looking than I am, and I'm happy for them both.
2. Oh, look, that woman and I have the same dress on! I think I'll go introduce myself!
1. That swimsuit really flatters your figure! Would you mind keeping my husband company while I go for a swim?
Top 10 things you'll never hear one guy say to another guy:
10. She'll never understand that sometimes I just want to cuddle.
9. Our team lost 10-1. But we tried our best, and after all that's the important thing.
8. I'm deeply offended by young women who go braless.
7. You know what always makes me cry? Those long-distance commercials.
6. Want all my tools? I just realized I never do anything useful with them!
5. There's nothing I like more than a quiet evening at home, watching a movie on Lifetime about some woman who gives up her baby and then suffers miserably.
4. I think those big, jacked-up trucks look ridiculous.
3. I can't stop fantasizing about Dr. Ruth!
2. I'm tired of beer. What say you to a nice, fruity Chablis?
1. Does my bottom look fat in this?
Originally published November 14, 2002.
