Women's T-Shirts
Here are actual slogans found on women's t-shirts:
I CHILDPROOFED MY HOUSE, BUT THEY STILL GET IN.
(On the front) 60 IS NOT OLD. (On the back) IF YOU'RE A TREE.
AT MY AGE, "GETTING LUCKY" MEANS FINDING MY CAR IN THE PARKING LOT.
MY REALITY CHECK JUST BOUNCED.
LIFE IS SHORT. MAKE FUN OF IT.
I'M NOT 50. I'M $49.95 PLUS TAX.
I NEED SOMEBODY BAD... ARE YOU BAD?
PHYSICALLY PFFFFFT!
BUCKLE UP. IT MAKES IT HARDER FOR THE ALIENS TO SNATCH YOU FROM YOUR CAR.
I'M NOT A SNOB. I'M JUST BETTER THAN YOU ARE.
IT'S MY CAT'S WORLD. I'M JUST HERE TO OPEN CANS.
EARTH IS THE INSANE ASYLUM OF THE UNIVERSE.
KEEP STARING....I MAY DO A TRICK.
WE GOT RID OF THE KIDS. THE DOG WAS ALLERGIC TO THEM...
DANGEROUSLY UNDER-MEDICATED.
MY MIND WORKS LIKE LIGHTNING. ONE BRILLIANT FLASH AND IT'S GONE.
EVERY TIME I HEAR THE DIRTY WORD "EXERCISE", I WASH MY MOUTH OUT WITH CHOCOLATE.
CATS REGARD PEOPLE AS WARM-BLOODED FURNITURE.
LIVE YOUR LIFE SO THAT WHEN YOU DIE, THE PREACHER WILL NOT HAVE TO TELL LIES AT YOUR FUNERAL!
Originally published July 17, 2004.
