You Know You Are Middle Aged If . . . .
You've come to the annoying realization that your parents were right about almost everything. The bag boy volunteers to help load groceries into your car - in the "10 items or less" lane. You've stopped supporting your children and started supporting your parents. You've found yourself discussing rain gutters. You remember your kid's names, just not always the right one. You have nightmares about forgetting to move the garbage cans to the street for the garbage collector. Your high school yearbook is now home to three different species of mold. You buy "age-defying" makeup and "antiwrinkle" creams and believe they work. You'vbe realized that all those geeky people in Bermuda shorts walking around Disney World include you. You recognize Led Zeppelin songs that have been turned into elevator Muzak. As a public service, you have agreed to never appear on the beach in a Speedo again.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
