You Know You're Getting "Marveliousy Mature" when . . .
Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
Your back goes out but you stay home.
When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.
When happy hour is a nap.
When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.
When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.
It takes twice as long - to look half as good.
You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
