Boating Tips
Published May 02, 2003
When water skiing, never allow a feisty duck to hitch a ride on your skis.
Always stay at least five boat-lengths behind the whale in front of you.
While sinking to the bottom of a lake or ocean, screaming does not help.
When boating, always wear a swimsuit with suspenders. This makes it easier on the guys with the grappling hook when they're trying to retrieve your body.
Drowning can cause severe shortness of breath. And you don't even want to think about what it does to your complexion.
Always wear a life jacket in case you fall overboard. Also, it's a good idea to take along something to read, in case a whale swallows you. Most whales seem to enjoy Moby Dick.
Originally published May 03, 2003.
