Health

One of those physical fitness club franchises was preparing to enter the international market. They placed ads in newspapers all over the county for people who could represent them on a tour. The ad said:

We're looking for five men in peak physical condition. Must be able to speak Spanish, French, Chinese, or Japanese. Must be knowledgeable about weights, aerobics, and at least two major sports.

The day after the ad appeared, a heavy man of about 70 appeared in the offices of the fitness club. "I'm here about the ad," he said.

The bronzed Adonis behind the desk looked surprised, but decided to be polite. "Do you speak Spanish or French?" he asked.

"Nope," the old man said.

"Chinese? Japanese?"

"No, both times."

"Know anything about weights or aerobic exercises?"

"Only that I wouldn't be caught dead with either one."

"How about sports?"

"I've never played anything more taxing than checkers."

"I see," the young man said. "Tell me something. Why did you come here?"

"To tell you to count me out."

Originally published November 14, 2002.