Military people say:
You, you, and you: Panic. The rest of you, come with me." A Purple Heart just proves that you were smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive. Any ship can be a minesweeper... once. Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid. Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate -- the bombs always hit the ground. Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps. Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything. Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire. Five second fuses only last three seconds. Friendly fire - isn't. If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with green, baggy skin. If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid. If the enemy is in range, so are you. If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush. Incoming fire has the right of way. It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out. Mines are equal opportunity weapons. Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you. Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do. Never trust a private with a loaded weapon, or an officer with a map. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection. Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one. Push to test... Release to detonate. The difficult we do immediately. The impossible takes a little while longer - U.S. Navy Seabees The easy way is always mined. The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war. The side with the simplest uniforms wins. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole. Those who beat their swords into plowshares will plow for those who don't. Tracers work both ways. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo. We are not retreating, we are advancing in another direction. When in doubt empty the magazine. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend. When you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in combat. Who cares if a laser guided 500 lb bomb is accurate to within 9 feet? Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons!
Originally published November 14, 2002.
