No Stoppin' Pops...
A cool young dude went out and bought a 1999 Mazeratti. It was the best and most expensive car available in the world, costing about $500,000. He took it out for a spin and while stopping for a red light, an old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old) pulled up next to him. The old man looked over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asked, "So, what d'ya got there, sonny?" The young man replied, "A 1999 Mazeratti. She costs about a half million bucks!" "That's sure a bunch of cabbage," said the old man, shocked. "Why's it cost so much?" "Because this car can do up to 325 miles an hour!" stated the cool dude proudly. The moped driver asked, "Can I take a look inside?" "Sure," replied the owner. So the old man poked his head in the window and looked around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man said, "That's a pretty nicecar, all right!" Just then the light changed so the guy decided to show the old man what his car could do. He floored it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer read 325 mph. Suddenly, he noticed a dot in his rear view mirror. It seemed to be getting closer! He slowed down to see what it could be and suddenly, zzzchoooommmm....! Something whipped by him, going much faster! "What on earth could be going faster than my Mazeratti?" the punk asked himself. Then, ahead of him, he saw a dot coming toward him. zzzchoooommmm! It went by again, heading the opposite direction! And it looked strangely like the old guy on the moped! "No way! Couldn't be," thought the guy. "How could a moped outrun a Mazeratti?" Again, he saw a dot in his rear view mirror! zzzchoooommmm KaabllaMMM! It plowed into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The young man jumped out, and it WAS the old guy! Of course, the moped and the old geezer were in really bad shape. He ran up to the dying old man and said, "Pops, you're badly hurt! What I can do for you?" The old man moaned and replied, "Just unhook my dern suspenders from your side-view mirror!"
Originally published November 14, 2002.
