Notes For The Milkman
These are actual notes left for the Milkman
"Dear Milkman,
I've just had a baby, please leave another one."
***
"Please leave an extra pint of paralyzed milk."
***
"Please don't leave any more milk.
All they do is drink it."
***
"Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby, and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks."
***
"Sorry about yesterday's note.
I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way 'round."
***
"When you leave my milk, knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress."
***
"Please knock. My TV's broken down, and I missed last night's SOPRANOS. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened?"
***
"My daughter says she wants a milkshake.
Do you do it before you deliver, or do I have to shake the bottle?"
***
"Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbor told me."
***
"Milk is needed for the baby.
Father is unable to supply it."
***
"From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk."
***
"My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on
kitchen table, because we want to play bingo tonight."
***
"Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday...or is it today ?"
***
"When you come with the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out, and put newspaper inside the screen door.
P.S. Don't leave any milk."
***
"No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice
Originally published March 09, 2005.
