Pizza Database
The use of computer databases for customer service is getting way out of hand ... here's just one small example .....
Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza House . May I have your..."
Customer: "Haloo, can I order.."
Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh..., hold on......6102049998-45-54610"
Operator : "OK... you're... Mr. Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu.
Your home number is 4094 2366, your office 7645 2302 and your mobile is 014 266 2566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?
Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?"
Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"
Customer: "How come?"
Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure
and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokier Mea Pizza.You'll like it"
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokier Dishes" from the
National Library last week Sir"
Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family sized ones then, how much will that cost?
Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $
49.99
Customer: "Can I pay by credit card?"
Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you're owing your bank $3720.55 since October last year"
Operator : "That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan Sir.
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighborhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"
Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records,you've reached your daily
limit on machine withdrawal today"
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come
and collect it on your motorcycle..."
Customer: " What !"
Operator : "According to the details in system, you own a scooter, ... registration number E1123..."
Customer: " *'!^ *%^**%^I7*"
Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1977 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...
Customer: [Speechless]
Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles
of cola as advertised?"
Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also
diabetic ....... have a nice day . . . . "
Originally published October 23, 2003.
