Signs That You Are A Lousy Cook
Published Jan 01, 1900
You're family automatically heads for the table every time they hear a fire siren. Your kids know what "peas porridge in a pot nine days old" tastes like. Your son goes outside to make mud pies, the rest of the family grabs forks and follows him. Your kids' favorite drink is Alka-Seltzer. You have to buy 25 pounds of dog food twice a week for your toy poodle. Your kids got even with the neighborhood bully by inviting him over for dinner. Your kids got suspended from school for trying to smuggle toxic waste in their lunch bags. Your husband refers to the smoke detector as the over timer. No matter what you do to it, the gravy still turns bright purple. You burned the house down trying to make jelly.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
