Toy Disclaimers
* No beanies or babies harmed in the manufacture of this product. * Warning: This fad will disappear in 6 weeks. * Caution: Care Bears do not actually care very much. * Warning: This toy produces substantially less childish glee in real life than it does in the TV commercial. * Some dismemberment may occur. * Do not purchase this toy at all. Put it back on the shelf! NOW!! Just walk away, timid little man. * Failure to fall immediately to your knees in gratitude and eternally thank parents for shelling out $400 and waiting in line behind a smelly woman from Jersey City for two hours to *get* your Sega Dreamcast -- especially when you've already got a Playstation and a box full of games that are now headed for the next garage sale -- may result in bodily injury. * Do not stare at product. Hey! You're doing it now! Cut that out!! * In case of breakage, scream until dad buys a replacement. * Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously. * Use as an actual terrorist device not recommended. *Do not attempt to combine your Ultra Mega Warrior with your cat to make Ultra Mega Cat Warrior. * NOTE: The makers of "Queen Amidala's Naboo Dream Palace" assume no responsibility for the quality of the movie which spawned it. * Some assimilation required. Resistance is futile.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
