You Can Over-Do Thanksgiving If...
You spill more food on you than the local soup kitchen dispenses
Paramedics bring in the Jaws of Life to pry you out of the EZ-Boy
Your after dinner moans are loud enough to signal Dr. Kevorkian
The "Gravy Boat" your wife set out was a real 12' boat!
The potatoes you used set off another famine in Ireland
You get grass stains on your bottom after a walk, but never sat down
Your "Big Elvis Super-Belt" won't even go around your waist
You receive a Sumo Wrestler application in your e-mail
You set off 3 earthquake seismographs on your morning jog Friday
Pricking your finger for cholesterol screening only yielded gravy
You have 5 TV sets side-by-side to catch all the football games
A guest quotes a Biblical passage from "The Feeding of the 5000"
That rash on your stomach turns out to be steering wheel burn
Your wife wears a life jacket at night in your water bed
Representatives from the Butterball Hall of Fame called twice
You consider gluttony as your patriotic duty
It looks like the left-overs are gonna last until Christmas
Your arms are too short to reach the keyboard & delete this
Originally published November 14, 2002.
