Ways to Annoy Vegetarians at Thanksgiving
Hand him a live turkey and say, "You were right, I was wrong - can you keep him at YOUR place?" Mention that turkeys are often affectionate birds, tenderly nuzzling their young and caring deeply for each other - but that you just like the way they taste. As you eat each bite...make the associative animal sound. Insist on referring to the main course as "the flesh of a fowl." Stick bones in their imitation tofu "turkey." Serve salad in a goat's hollowed out head. Seat them at the kiddie table. Serve a roast pig with an apple in its mouth and tell them, "You've got dibs on the fruit." Refuse to serve them pie on the grounds that thousands of innocent "minces" lost their lives to make mincemeat filling. Let guests pick there own Turkeys from out back. Introduce them to everyone as the reason there are TEN artichoke and squash casseroles.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
