Buying for Parents

When you're a parent you become an idiot. It's not our fault. It's the television shows we watch. I used to watch the news. Now I watch Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers.

I want to buy a car, determined to give the salesman a run for his money. I had forgotten: I'm an idiot. I walked up to him and said,
"The car is nice. The look is handsome.
But the price you ask is a king's ransom.
There is no need for me to stay.
I will not buy this car today."

Wait a minute, I thought. I just became Dr. Seuss for a second! The salesman was obviously a parent because he said,
"Would you? Could you? On a dare,
buy this car with factory air?
If I throw in a music box,
would you buy this Audi Fox?"

I said,
"I would not, could not on a dare,
I do not want your factory air.
I would not buy it in the rain.
I would not buy it on a train.
Not in a house. Not in a mouse.
Not in a goat. Not in a moat.
I don't care if it runs on green eggs & ham,
I will not buy it Sam I Am!"