Mom's Dictionary. . .
Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 AM, too.
Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside.
Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing 'dry' shoes into it.
Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.
Top Bunk: Where you should never put a child wearng Superman jammies.
Verbal: Ability to whine in actual words.
Whoodunit: None of the kids in your house!
Ooops: An exclamation that translates roughly into 'get a sponge.'
Originally published May 17, 2005.
