Kids Humor

Parenthood

Feb 28, 2005
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Parenthood

Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:

Your Clothes
-1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
-2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
-3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

The Baby's Name
-1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice  pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
-2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be
you.
-3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and  see where your finger points.

Preparing for the Birth
-1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
-2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember  that last time, breathing didn't do a thing. -3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

The Layette
-1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color  coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
-2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest
stains.
-3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries
-1st baby: At the first sign of distress -- a whimper, a frown  you pick up the baby.
-2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
-3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Going Out
-1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter,  you call home 5 times.
-2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember  to leave a number where you can be reached. -3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home
-1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
-2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure  your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
-3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children

Originally published March 01, 2005.

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