Small Talk
What Your Baby Would Tell You On life's pleasures: I have my blankie, you have your caffeine. Enough said On life's pain: Bang a screwdriver slowly and steadily into your gums-that's what teething feels like On the ignorance of parents: There's no point in teaching me to say "mama" or "dada". My first word is going to be "hat". On life's great questions: Who the heck is that baby in the mirror you keep asking me about? A final thought: What you secretly believe is true: I am much smarter than other babies ....
Don't be jealous, but I think I'm in love with the ceiling fan.
I know where the remote control is, but it'll cost you.
To you, it's just an empty egg carton; to me, it's PlayStation 2.
Two words I'd rather not hear from you: rectal thermometer
I've told you five times what a cow says. If you can't remember, I'm not telling you again/
There is no question that I can cry longer than you can listen.
I'm not just wildly throwing my food. I'm exploring the laws of gravity, estimating mass, and testing wind velocity.
If you wanted a good sleeper, you should have gotten a cat.
If my bottom is so darn cute, why is someone always trying to cover it up?
Who are you two to tell me how important it is to sleep alone?
Originally published November 14, 2002.
