Thoughts On Parenthood

There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your children to do it.

Adolescence is the age when children try to bring up their parents.

You know the only people in this world who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.

Cleaning your house while your kids are at home is like trying to shovel the driveway during a snowstorm.

Oh, to be only half as wonderful as my child thought I was when he was small, and half as stupid as my teenager now thinks I am.

There are only two things a child will share willing: communicable diseases and his mother's age.

Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Adolescence is the age at which children stop asking questions because they know all the answers.

An alarm clock is a device for awakening people who don't have small children.

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can inprison?

How do you cope when the apple of your eye becomes a bone in your throat?

No wonder kids are confused today. Half the adults tell them to find themselves; the other half tell them to get lost.

The people hardest to convince that it's time for retirement are children at bedtime.