You Know You're A Mom When ...
You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal. You have time to shave only one leg at a time. You hide in the bathroom to be alone. Your kid throws up and you catch it. Someone else's kid throws up at a party. You keep eating. You've mastered the art of placing large quantities of pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything touching. You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons; your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun. You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it's the only one your child eats. You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend. You hate the thought of his wife even more. You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into cute shapes. You can't bear to give away baby clothes - it's so final. You use your own saliva to clean your child's face.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
