Insurance Quips

'A car drove away at speed catching our client who went up in the air and his head went through the windscreen and then rolled off at the traffic lights a good few feet away. The car then sped off and miraculously our client remained conscious and managed to cross the road.'

'Unfortunately our client does not accept your offer. He is extremely interested in keeping the vehicle and would thank you to consider a 'cash in loo' settlement.'

'The customer was reversing his car round a corner. He was concentrating so hard he backed straight into a signpost, denting his car. Fortunately he was in the right place. The signpost was outside a garage and read 'Free estimates for Accident Repairs'.'

'I am responsible for the accident as I was miles away at the time.'

'I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.'

Q: 'Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?' A: 'Travelled by bus?'

'I had one eye on a parked car, another on approaching lorries, and another on the woman behind'.

'I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard.'

'I was going down the car park ramp when I hit a giant plastic mouse'

'I was stationary at the junction when a Mini in front rolled back and wrote off my Volvo'.

'On the M6 I moved from the centre lane to the fast lane but the other car didn't give way.'

'On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke.'

'The woman jumped onto a Zebra crossing in front of me.'

'Having checked the road was clear I pulled out when the motorcycle approached from nowhere and collided with my car.'

'Insured failed to observe end of pier and careened off into Irish Sea.'

'Travelling along road and was hit by vehicle'.

'I hooted at the pedestrian but he stared at me.'

A Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were: Q - What warning was given by you? A - Horn Q - What warning was given by the other party? A - Moo

'On approaching roundabout I could see no vehicles coming from my right when suddenly the car in front braked and I hit him in the rear.'

'I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight!'