- Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
- Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out.
- Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
- Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
- Caterpallor (n.) The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
- Decaflon (n.) The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
- Dopelar effect (n.) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you come at them rapidly.
- Extraterrestaurant (n.) An eating place where you feel you've been abducted and experimented upon. Also known as an E-T-ry.
- Faunacated (adj.) How wildlife ends up when its environment is destroyed. Hence faunacatering (v.), which has made a meal of many species.
- Grantartica (n.) The cold, isolated place where art companies dwell without funding.
- Hemaglobe (n.) The bloody state of the world.
- Kinstirpation (n.) A painful inability to move relatives who come to visit.
- Lullabuoy (n.) An idea that keeps floating into your head and prevents you from drifting off to sleep.
- Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
- Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.
- Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn't get it.
Originally published November 14, 2002.
